The Friend I Miss the Most

believe it or not, Jack was not the first person to push me aside for a significant other.

Sophomore year at SU I met Angela*, the tiniest girl with the biggest heart. Due to our love of dance and similar sense of humor, we formed a bond and eventually became great friends. We were attached at the hip; always there for each other when shit hit the fans. We visited each other during our breaks and became part of each other’s families.  Junior year we were just as close, maybe even closer. She helped me through one of the hardest times of my life, when my ex and I ended things. She stayed over with me when I was scared to be alone and stayed on the phone with me when I needed someone to vent to. She was my biggest and best support system.

Toward the end of junior year, however, she started dating a friend of mine named Paul*. The two had hooked up earlier in the year, and when things didn’t end well he decided his best option was talking shit about Angela. I can’t even repeat his crude comments and I am embarrassed that I stayed his friend, but we all make mistakes. I didn’t think it was a great idea of them to get together. When I expressed my concern, Paul* ripped me a new one. He claimed I was jealous of what they had and that I couldn’t stand to see them happy. He said he wished I’d succeeded in killing myself because I’m a horrible person. Needless to say, Paul is one person I will never forgive.

I told Angela what happened and she didn’t know what to do. I understood she didn’t want to choose between us, so we agreed to ignore the problem.

But rather than ignoring the problem, we ignored each other. Over the summer, we lived a few floors above each other and not once did we visit each other. I realized she had made a choice. It just wasn’t the one that worked in my favor. One night I tried to talk to her about the issue, but being that we’re both Italian (another trait that brought us together) a polite conversation turned into a screaming match that neither of us won.

Angela and I still see each other weekly, since we are involved in the same dance organization of campus. But we don’t acknowledge each other. If we need something from each other, we go through other people to get it. We can’t even look at each other without giving an evil glare. We are both to blame for our current situation, but we could both try to change it.

Losing Angela was like loosing a family member. Whenever I see her, my heart breaks, my throat swells up, and my eyes water. I don’t want to leave SU knowing that I could have made things right with her — that I could have brought our friendship back to life.

Here goes nothing. . .

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